Little Johnny walked into his classroom one sunny morning, wearing only one glove. The teacher, a little confused, asked him what it was all about. Little Johnny explained, "Well ma'am, I was watching the weather programmed on the T.V. this morning and the Weatherman said that it was going to be sunny today, but on the other hand it could get quite cold."
A guy takes his boy tiger hunting. They're creeping through the weeds and the man says, "Son, this hunt marks your passage into manhood. Do you have any questions?" And the boy says, "Yes, if the tiger kills you, how do I get home?"
One day, Bill Clinton and the Pope died. Bill Clinton was saying,” Yes!! No I get to go to hell and meet the devil!" The Pope was saying,” Finally, after all these years, I get to meet the Virgin marry." Well, while they were waiting to go to heaven, the office angels accidentally switched their files. So Bill Clinton ended up going to heaven, and the Pope to hell. Well after about 2 weeks, God realized that the files were switched. So he ordered them to go to the right places. Well on the way to their places, Bill Clinton and the Pope met up with each other's elevator. The pope was excited, "NOW I FINALLY GET TO MEET THE VIRGIN MARY!!!" Then Bill Clinton replied, "SHE AIN'T NO VIRGIN ANY MORE!"
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests?" asked the Chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
"I hope I am not poisonous," said the first snake.
"Why?" asked the second. "Because I just bit my lip."