Just for Laugh - Jokes 4 U

A car hit a Jewish man, and the paramedics rushed to the scene. After
assessing the situation, they got the man on a stretcher and moved him into
the ambulance for transport to the hospital. He was not badly injured, but
enough so that they felt he should be checked out more thoroughly than they
were capable of doing in the street.

After getting the stretcher secured in the ambulance and as they prepared
to leave, one of the paramedics checked on the man and asked him, "How are
you feeling?"

"Okay, considering," answered the man.

"Any nausea, dizziness, numbness?" asked the paramedic.

"No, none of that."

"Any shortness of breath or chest pain?"

"Nope."

"Are you comfortable?"

"I make a good living..."



Three police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The NY Police and the
Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force ward . The judges
lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission. He who
captures an adult LIon and brings it back alive in the fastest time will be
adjudged the best .

First Scotland yard goes into the forest and comes back in half an hour with
a Lion all tied up .

Then the NY police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied up lion .

Lastly the sardar brigade goes in . 15 minutes , half an hour , one hour
goes and no sign of our saradrjis .The judges give up and decide to search
for them They go into the forest.After some searching , they find the
sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a tree. The sardarjis have tied up a
big bear to a tree and one of them is shouting , "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala
Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You @#$%@!You are a lion)


A sardar from Delhi had an old car which had run for over a 1,00,000
kilometres. He wanted to sell it, but was not getting a good price because
of its excess mileage.He approached a Madrasi friend of his and asked for
help.
The Madrasi gave him an address in Chennai (Madras) and asked him to visit a
mechanic there. The mechanic would adjust the meter so that it shows only
30,000 kilometres.
The sardar thanked him and left for Madras. For a few days,
the Madrasi didn't see the sardar. He assumed that the sardar would have
sold the car.
A few weeks later, the sardar came to see the Madrasi in the same car. The
Madrasi was surprised and asked "What happened? Why have you not sold your
car yet?"
The sardar replied "Why should I? It has run for only 30,000 kilometres."



A sardar, a Madrasi and a Gujarati were waiting for a bus when a
dangerouslooking guy approached them. He suddenly pulled out a syringe with
blood inside it and said in a menacing tone "Give me all your valuables or
I'll pierce you with this needle. This contains AIDS infected blood!" Our
friends were naturally alarmed all except the sardar.

The Madrasi immediately gave away all his valuables. The Gujju bargained
with the stranger and gave away half of his belongings. The sardar, however,
was unfazed. He refused to part with his money. In anger and frustration,
the guy pricked the sardar with the needle and ran away.The alarmed Madrasi
and Gujju asked the sardar " How could you do this? Now you will get AIDS
surely!" The sardar coolly replied " No! I won't! I am wearing a condom".


A young ventriloquist is touring North India and stops to entertain a
gathering in Punjab. He's going through his usual stupid sardar jokes
(similar to the ones in the Sirippu web site!), when a big burly sardar in
the audience stands up and says "I've heard just about enough of your silly
sardar jokes; we aren't all stupid here in Punjab."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up
"You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the stupid little fellow on
your knee!"



Darla had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how
the interview went.

"Pretty good, I think," replied Darla, "but if I go to work there I won't
get a vacation until I'm married."

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they
told you?"

"No", replied Darla, "but right on the application it said 'vacation time
may not be taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'"


Cop Lines

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write
anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."


Did You Hear?

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?

He set a new lap record.


For The Kids...

What happens when geese land in a volcano?
They cook their own gooses!

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
Streaky bacon!

What is a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis!

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure!

What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment!



An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd
been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He
walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the
hitching rail.

As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a
gunslinger walked out of the saloon. He had a gun in one hand and a bottle
of whiskey in the other hand. He looked at the old man and laughed.

Then he said, "Hey old man have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at him and said, "Nope, never had a hankering to."

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well you old fool
you're gonna dance now," and he started shooting at the old man's feet. The
old man was hopping around and everybody was laughing. He fired his last
bullet, holstered his gun and turned around to go back in the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule, got his 10 gauge shotgun and pulled both
hammers back, making a loud click. The gunslinger heard this, then
everything got quiet. He slowly turned around and was looking at the old
prospector aiming both barrels right at him.

The old man asked him, "Did you ever kiss a mule's a&&?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard, then said, "No Sir, but I've always wanted
to!"


Jokes of the Day

Son to sardar : abba 5+5 kiney honde ae?
Sardar Ullu de patte, gadhe, idiot, nalayak,
besharam, haram khor, tujhe kuch nahi aata.
jaa andar se calculator la


Mom: Beti bari ho kar kia karogi?
Beti: kuch nahi..Maa banu gi, parhon gi,
shadi karun gi..aur kia?
Mom: Jo bhi karna hai karo
par zara tarteeb sahi rakhna



Woman: Sir , mein apne ladke ka naam kya rakhoon?
Ajit: Iskaa naam Peter rakh do!
Woman: Mera doosra ladkaa bhi hai ,
jo iskaa twin hai. Mein uskaa naam kya rakhoon?
Ajit: Uskaa naam Repeter rakh do!


larki wale: beta drink karte ho?
larka: ji haan.
sigaret?
larka: har roz.
Jua/satta?
larka: bilkul
danga fasad?
larka: adaat hai.
larki wale: sari negative batain hain kuch positive bhi hai?
larka: hai na, HIV +ve

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