Visiting the psychiatric ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient.
The director said, “Well, we fill a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask him to empty the tub”.
Visitor replied “I got it, a normal person would use the bucket because it’s the biggest”.
“No”, the director said.
“A normal person would pull that rubber plug that is there at the bottom of the bathtub”.
A man was praying to god.
He said, “God?”
God responded, “Yes?”
And the Guy said, “Can I ask a question?”
“Go right ahead”, God said.
“God, what is a million years to you?”
God said, “A million years to me is only a second.”
The man wondered.
Then he asked, “God, what is a million dollars worth to you?”
God said, “A million dollars to me is a penny.”
So the man said, “God can I have a penny?”
And God cheerfully said,
“Sure! just a second.”
A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear? The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.
Two days later she asks her father the same question.The father answered: Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed.The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom’, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were developed from monkeys.
The mother answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family while your father told you about his side.
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called the family meeting.
On a Saturday morning, after breakfast.
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too,I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones!!!