Cool One Liners

If I save time, when do I get it back?

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally

The statement below is true. The statement above is false.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep!

ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what? Who's in a hurry?

If you think your boss is stupid, remember you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.

Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?

I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served.

The road to success is always under construction.

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

Everyone has a photographic memory; some people just don't have film.

If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?

They say God is one, then why so many Gods?

When someone dies in an accident, they say "It's God's will." And if you survive an accident, they say, "It's God's grace."

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

Let me See if I could round this series off with the Cool One Liners - Revolutions edition...

(i)Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like

expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.

Think about it.

(ii)Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world!

That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

(iii)Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did...

And is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

(iv) He was a good man. He never smoked, drank n had no affair.

When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.

They said: he who never lived, cannot die!

(v)A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?

He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

(vi)So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,

jumping from a building, lying on train tracks...

But we chose Marriage, slow sure!

(vii) All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive

Or married to someone else!

(viii)When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,

When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…

Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

(Translation – Ganpat bring out the booze!!)

(ix)10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.

Which makes it a logical statement that....

90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

(x) If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!

Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

A beautiful relationship does not depend upon how good we understand someone but on how well we avoid misunderstandings.

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

A hard thing about business is minding your own.

Death is hereditary.

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

An Apple a day keeps the doctor away. But . . . an onion a day keeps everyone away.

An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

Be of use, but don't be used.

Borrow money from pessimists.They don't expect it back.

Consider how hard it is to change yourself; and you will understand what little chance you have trying to change others.

Thanks to :


Amritha said...

nice ones!! thnx..

Amazing Photos 4 All said...

welcome : Amritha

saloni said...

really cool one liners......